{"id":12587,"date":"2024-07-12T18:39:46","date_gmt":"2024-07-12T18:39:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/9thstreetjournal.org\/?p=12587"},"modified":"2025-01-09T14:23:31","modified_gmt":"2025-01-09T14:23:31","slug":"mother-love-after-losing-her-son-to-violence-nicole-elliott-helps-others-with-their-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/9thstreetjournal.org\/2024\/07\/12\/mother-love-after-losing-her-son-to-violence-nicole-elliott-helps-others-with-their-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"Mother love: After losing her son to violence, Nicole Elliott helps others with their grief"},"content":{"rendered":"
When Nicole Elliott met Shajuan Ervin in the spring of 2017, she liked him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Ervin, her daughter Kira\u2019s boyfriend, was a senior at Elizabeth City State University, Elliott\u2019s alma mater, a soccer player who called her \u201cma\u2019am\u201d when they ran into each other at the store.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Now, Elliott does not like to say Ervin\u2019s name. Instead, she sticks to pronouns or calls him \u201cthe person:\u201d \u201cthe person\u201d who, in the early morning of March 19, 2019, held her granddaughter in one arm and loaded a gun with the other; \u201cthe person\u201d who, in a fit of rage, shot her son and killed her son Marcus that same day.<\/span><\/p>\n July 12 marks the fifth year that Elliott will celebrate her son\u2019s birthday without him. Since his death, she has worked to help other mothers heal their grief. Her nonprofit, the Marcus Jackson Project,\u00a0 provides support to those who have lost loved ones to violence. Many of them are mothers, like her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n In 2018, Ervin, Kira and Marcus were all living in Durham. That fall, Ervin and Kira gave Elliott her first granddaughter, Lu. In December, Elliott wrapped toys for the baby girl to open on Christmas morning.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Elliott defended Ervin to family members who somehow sensed the young man was troubled. Elliott trusted her daughter\u2019s judgment. And if Ervin was crooked, she thought, enough time spent with her family would straighten him out.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Elliott\u2019s oldest son, Marcus, was the most vocal about these concerns. After Marcus got a job at Walmart Automotive in Durham, he, his girlfriend, and their son Ma\u2019Khai moved into an apartment in the city with Kira and Ervin.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Marcus \u201cSno\u201d Jackson had recently graduated from trade school and was pursuing a career in auto mechanics. High school teachers and classmates coined Marcus\u2019s nickname on the football field, where he physically dominated opponents but maintained a \u201cchill,\u201d collected demeanor. After games, family and friends always found him with a wide, goofy grin.<\/span><\/p>\n Marcus, then in his early twenties,\u00a0 took his roles as big brother and father seriously, often assuming the lion\u2019s share of household responsibilities. He mastered getting Khai and Lu to fall asleep simultaneously and enjoyed taking his son and Ervin\u2019s son for haircuts.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n But tension in the household was growing. It worsened when Ervin\u2019s younger sister moved in without contributing financially. Marcus described the worsening tension to his mother and reported that Ervin cheated with other women and was \u201cbrainwashing\u201d his sister.<\/span><\/p>\n Though he did not like Ervin, Marcus tried to be a peacemaker. After an argument on March 18, 2019, Marcus purchased a whole chicken to cook for the family. His peace offering didn\u2019t have the effect he hoped, though. As the night wore on, tension mounted in the household.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Early the next morning, March 19, Ervin shot Marcus and Marcus was rushed to the emergency room.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Elliott created the Marcus Jackson Project in September 2019 to help her and others heal. Based in Edenton, North Carolina, the project provides support\u2014listening sessions, cooking classes, and mentorship\u2014to those who have lost loved ones to violence. Every year, the organization hosts two barbeques\u2014one on July 15, Marcus\u2019 birthday, and the other on March 19, the anniversary of his passing. She reflects on what gun violence prevention should look like in North Carolina.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIf we show the people that we value them, they will begin to value themselves, and then they will value their community,\u201d said Elliott. \u201cSo, just knowing that someone cares can save a life..\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Elliott tries not to blame herself for how things unfolded in her son\u2019s household. The morning before Ervin attacked Marcus, she ranted to her son about how Ervin had become increasingly disrespectful.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cEven now, sometimes I wonder if I didn\u2019t fuss at him [Ervin] at the end. If I had shown him more compassion\u2026 maybe that would have changed the trajectory of things that day. So I have to take accountability,\u201d Elliott said, giving a tight-lipped smile that barely revealed the gap between her front teeth. Then, she paused and reevaluated the events of that night.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBut, at the end of the day, none of us had the gun in our hands,\u201d she added, watching the ceiling through glassy eyes. \u200b\u200b<\/span><\/p>\n Elliott, 45, spent most of her life in Edenton, North Carolina, a town of barely 5,000.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n While the coastal city draws hundreds of tourists yearly, Elliott cared little for her town\u2019s history or architecture as a child. She loved the people.<\/span><\/p>\n Growing up, Elliott\u2019s grandmother taught kindergarten out of their family home in the historic downtown area where Elliott lives today. She remembers riding her bike with other children up and down the block. There was always something to do back then because parents were not afraid to let their children go outside, she said. Though the neighborhood kids fist-fought, the environment was not as dangerous as today, she added.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWe would fight on Tuesday, and by Friday, everybody was hanging out and going to the movies together,\u201d Elliott said. \u201cNow, \u2026every time you turn on the TV or check social media, you see children shooting or stabbing.\u201d Until Marcus\u2019 death, gun violence had not directly touched Elliott\u2019s life.<\/span><\/p>\n Immediately before and after the shooting, Kira called her mother in a panic. Elliott instructed Kira to hang up and call 911. As she dressed her youngest son Amaree for a 160-mile drive to Durham, she prayed that Marcus would be okay.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhen your children need you, you don\u2019t think about the details,\u201d Elliott said. \u201cI knew I was going to Durham and would figure out the rest when I arrived. I did not think he would be gone when I got there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Elliott ended up in the lobby of a Duke Hospital emergency room, clutching her older brother and her 11-year-old son close.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Though much of that morning is foggy for Elliott, she remembers pleading with the receptionist to see her son as he lay in his hospital room dying.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nTensions End in Tragedy<\/b><\/h2>\n
\u2018Knowing Someone Cares Can Save a Life\u2019<\/b><\/h2>\n
‘Grief is Just Love You Don’t Know What to Do With’<\/b><\/h2>\n